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1. How have you been lately?
Crappy. I've been cycling between depression, feeling nothing, feeling okay, and feeling like I want to tear someone's head off. It's confusing really.
I haven't had an episode since Christmas day last year, so I guess I deserve a cookie on that one...otherwise, i'm just here. It doesn't help either that my fiance lost his job, and then I lost mine right after, so I don't know how we'll make it until a job comes around...

2. Do you have fun plans for the summer?
Not really, nothing besides finding a decent job, finally getting around to throwing our engagement party, and saving up money for the wedding and to get the fiance's other car fixed...trying to basically stay afloat

3. Are you currently working?
Nope. I lost my job a couple of weeks ago, I was making $7.25 an hour with less than 15 hours a week at the store I used to work at, I won't say any names, but basically they told me that I could either transfer to another store with a 70 mile trip one way from our condo, or I could quit. Yay. It wasn't worth making a little bit of change, and getting less than 20 hours, i'd spend more than that on gas, so I quit. My fiance lost his job right before I did, which really sucks.

4. Are you in a relationship?
Yes. My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 1/2 years, our original wedding date was supposed to be on August 9 this year, but since we both lost our jobs our finances have gone down the drain and we pushed it back to August 15, next year, which is the day after our 5 year anniversary. It gives me time to lose weight, save money, and for one of us to get a job with insurance so I can get off my mom's after the wedding. I'm covered under her insurance until i'm 25, or until i'm married and then i'll have to be dropped. So hopefully we find a job with insurance soon.

5. What is your current living situation like?
Ask me that in a few weeks, I may not have a house then. (joke.). I live in an condo, but since we're both looking for jobs money has been really really tight around here, but I think we have enough for rent next month. It's ridiculous, we live in a tiny 1 bedroom/1 bathroom condo and we pay $550, including water, and washer/dryer. I know places that have 2 bedroom/2 bathroom units for $600 water and washer/dryer included, but this is the cheapest condos or apartments around. That's sad. We live in an upper-middle class neighborhood in the suburbs of Houston, in Clear Lake. (Webster, TX).

6. On a scale from 1-10 (ten being the best) how would you rate your current mental stability (not just today, but over the past couple months)?
Probably a 4. I have a lot to be worked on. A lot of things around me and about me need to change.

the meme from the mod:

1. How have you been lately?

alive. elaborate? sure - I am unemployed, single as the grave, and no prospect for a new job. I need to find a way to make $200 just to break 1/3 not completely behind.

2. Do you have fun plans for the summer?

Find a job, I have an art show I am trying to get my stuff into.

3. Are you currently working?

Nope. I was having hell adjusting to a lot of things. After I ended up SI'ing and getting stitches, I quit my job.

4. Are you in a relationship?

With my computer - we read a lot together and watch youtube videos.

5. What is your current living situation like?

Me. Me and my photography. It works. sort of, yah....

6. On a scale from 1-10 (ten being the best) how would you rate yourself:

between a 4-6
Questionaire answers

1.  How have you been lately? 
Define lately and I'll define how bad. The last two days were spent having/getting over food poisoning, meaning I took no meds. Day before that I got into my first wreck which, while leaving me and my car okay, was a hit and run. The past semester was one of the worst of my life and my grades reflect it. I'm sure most of my professors think I'm insane. Also insanely worried about getting into Grad school. So yea, I'm peachy ; )

2.  Do you have fun plans for the summer?
Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in a week of vacation at the lake with my boyfriend after work and summer classes  

3.  Are you currently working? 
At my university's computer labs. Basically I sit there to make sure nobody steals anything and is following the rules/doing academic crap

4.  Are you in a relationship? 
boyfriend: 3 yrs last March.

5.  What is your current living situation like? 
The boyfriend and I share an apartment with three cats. He works nights at a local grocery store to pay the rent and elec. At one point he was earning 50 dollars a month over foodstamp maximum, but I think that's more like 150-200 now as he's working five days a week instead of four. Woot.

6.  On a scale from 1-10 (ten being the best) how would you rate your current mental stability (not just today, but over the past couple months)? 
Stability? I'm an ultra rapid cycling bipolar II. I have no stability.

Article from The Today Show online

I'm so glad that America has gotten so much better about recognizing the reality of mental illness:  that it is a chemical imbalance, that it is more common than most people realize, and that you can't "just snap out of it."  Here is the last part of the article about 7 medical myths:

[MYTH:]  You can just ‘snap out’ of mental illness
We all hit bumps in the road throughout life, and we all handle these hard times differently. But many of us think people should be able to snap out of depression or anxiety because we don't recognize it as a treatable illness. But in the case of mental health, such attitudes can stand in the way of recognizing when things get off track and when it might be time for measures that help restore joy, energy and purpose to life.

Here is an encouraging, empowering fact to take to heart: Mental disorders like depression and anxiety are illnesses, and you are no more responsible for them than you would be if you had diabetes — and if you did have diabetes, you would not hesitate to treat it. Mental health problems are not caused by the person suffering from them, either. Certainly, you need to take responsibility for the thoughts, feelings and behaviors associated with the problem, but you are not to blame for them. There is a difference between taking responsibility and accepting blame — and it's important to not confuse the two.

There is no single cause for mental illness, but factors can include family history, stress, chronic illness, or brain chemical imbalances. Getting professional help will help you with your illness and make you stronger.

One in five American adults will experience a diagnosable mental illness in their lifetime. In fact, mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the Unites States for people ages 15 to 44. According to a study published in the journal Lancet, depression can do more physical damage to someone's health than several long-term diseases. 

Found on http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24763360/

NOTE:  I purposely left this NOT "friends only" because I think it would be beneficial for those browsing and interested in our community to read this.  If the other mods disagree, I will make it "friends only."

Apr. 7th, 2008

So lately, as in the past two weeks or so, i've started to do a lot better. My mood has been stable, sometimes even "good". I've been on the same regimen of meds for about a month and a half, and I think we've finally found something that works.
Right now i'm on 1200mg or neurontin, 80mg of geodon, 40 mg of prozac, 300 of wellbutrin. I asked my doctor if it meant I was not bipolar if this is a permanent, or long term thing, and he said no. I will always have bipolar disorder, i've just learned to live better with the help of my meds, dr, and family. I will always have borderline personality disorder, but my meds allow me to live a somewhat normal life.
Right now, we're just waiting to see if this is a phase, or if it's long term. I've had manic episodes where I felt this way, and ended up spending hundreds of dollars, doing reckless things, etc, it's just a waiting game at this point.

Has anyone been in or is in a similar situation?
I'm having a really rough week.

I'm transitioning jobs right now, because working in retail was killing me. I can't work a job where I get home at 11 and have to wake up for school the next morning. I'm going back to a previous job, where I make more money and the people love me, which should be all right, but it's still taking a toll on my mental health.

My boyfriend also broke up with me this week. It's tough, because he's basically my best friend, and he was before and he still is now. It's so strange. I'll be sitting there bitching about him, and, just like a trusty best friend, he'll be nodding and going, "I know, what a jerk, you deserve so much better." It's driving me crazy.

My schizophrenic half has been working in overdrive. I've stopped my medication, because I really can't stand to take it, and it really didn't do anything for me. I'm so used to hearing things now that it really doesn't bother me anymore.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

Update-Cut for possible triggers

Just an update on what's been going on with me lately. I put it in a lj-cut due to possible triggers.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

What anxiety meds do you take?

I am just curious.

What meds are you prescribed/take for anxiety (general or social)...

Enalya (me): Klonopin 1mg 3x's daily with 1mg daily for emergencies (120 a months total).
I am proud of myself though. I use to take 2mg 4-5x's a day. With the help of my doctor we were able to ease me down gently from such a high dose to a dose that he felt was less aggressive than just popping them all day long. I also take Cymbalta 90mg 2x's a day. It's for depression but they have found it works to help stave off anxiety as well, but, nothing compared to medications made strictly for that purpose:

(I don't take these, I have, but, none worked other than klonopin)
* Clonazepam (klonopin)
* Alprazolam (xanax)
* Lorazepam (ativan) <~~ really good stuff through an IV, works almost as well and twice as fast as ANY other benzo, that I have ever had injected (by traind medical professionals)
* Diazepam (calium)
* Chlordiazepoxide (librium)
* Oxazepam (serax)